girlinshirt.

The entire synopsis of Breaking Dawn Pt 1

1. everything is so awkward and forced

2. oh god

3. sexy time

4. they are taking turns eyeing the bed

5. they are going skinny dipping

6. I think the presex montage just happened

7. she like...shaved her legs and shit

8. who doesn't do that before they leave for their honeymoon?!

9. come ON

10. oh jesus

11. BROKEN HEADBOARD

12. HAHA

13. we are halfway through this film and NOTHING HAS HAPPENED

14. they got married and had sex

15. literally not a thing else

16. they're now playing chess

17. fucking hell

18. she keeps trying to seduce him and he's laughing at her WORST MARRIAGE

19. oooh playing chess again!

20. AND AGAIN

21. they just had a montage of their honeymoon and all that happened is thye played a lot of chess, she tried to fuck him and he ran away

22. oh god she's begging now

23. this is honestly awkward softcore porn

24. and now she's vomiting into the toilet

25. gross

26. god seriously

27. nothing happens in this god

28. it's just a bunch of shitty subplots

29. the wolves are so shit

30. shit

31. lsbgksdg

32. THIS IS SO BAD

33. weird ass telepathic wolf pow wow shit

34. I don't even know what's going on

35. THE FETUS ISN'T COMPATIBLE

36. I'm really glad that in Twilight world, they make skinny jeans that fit over evil fetus baby bumps

37. oh god Bella's drinking blood

38. I'm taking a shot

39. the cup says FREE REFILLS ON IT

40. Bella just chose "renesmee" for the baby's name and this child will be beat up for the rest of it's life

41. OH MY GOD SHE IS GIVING BIRTH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

42. "GET HIM OUT OF ME"

43. loads of screaming and flashing and she looks like a skeleton

44. aaaand Edward ripped open her stomach with his mouth

45. YUP GOOD

46. the baby is a bloody mess and they just called it beautiful. I mean, I don't really do babies, but like...I'm pretty sure that just looks like meat

47. there is just blood everywhere and edward just stabbed her in the heart with his venom and what the HELL

48. Bella seems to have died, but Edward is just biting her everywhere and OH HOLY GOD IT'S SCIENCE

49. HER BLOOD IS FREEZING

50. the worst thing? Kristen Stewart's face hasn't changed.

51. she just gave birth and then died

52. without a flicker of emotion

53. Jacob has just seen the baby and he's in lo0o0o0ove

54. this is the creepiest scene ever

55. he just fell to his knees in front of a baby

56. I just want to be a fly on the wall during this filming

57. uh oh vampire v wolf death match

58. oh jk rules and shit

59. wolf can't harm future lovers of other wolves

60. so much for bros before hoes, shit

61. meanwhile, Bella is serving her purpose well. laying on a table with the occasional SCIENCE into her body

62. she's becoming a vampire, which apparently includes permanent eyeshadow. so, that makes life easier.

63. you know how on tumblr, they have those picture sequences where it slowly gets closer to someones face?

64. that was just an actual shot in Breaking Dawn

65. jacob, Jacob, JACOB

66. AND THEN HAWT VAMPY BELLA OPENED HER EYES WITH MIRACULOUSLY NEWLY LONG EYELASHES AND THE FILM ENDED

67. TO CHEERS

68. I require the last two hours of my life back

69. who do I go for for that