January 2012
14 posts
"You can call this 'class warfare' all you want. ...
— President BARACK OBAMA
That Time I Became Ebay Famous For My Feet →
New post over at Realities of a Twenty Something.
Boyfriend passed out an hour ago so naturally I’m torturing myself by watching The Food Network while stoned.
#ISEENYOUWITHKEIFER →
New post @ Realities of a Twenty-Something about Teen Mom. Maybe I should feel embarrassed…but no.
December 2011
23 posts
New Year's Yada Yada →
New post over @ Realities of a Twenty-Something. All the cool kids are doing it & it won’t rot your brain like meth!
No One Anywhere Wants to Hire Anyone Ever. →
New post! Two days in a row, y’all.
I Have A lot of Feelings About ‘Chick Flicks’ →
New blog post @ Realities of a Twenty-Something.
Raspberry glacé long gunmetal chain necklace with... →
I don’t even wear jewelry but I’m crying over her stuff. Keep note, all of the nobody who will be buying me an xmas gift.
Mr. Nice Guy
Ladies do you have a guy friend that seems to always be lurking your life? Oh shit did I even hit ‘post’ on that status he just liked?? I posted that picture six months ago why is he commenting ‘u r cute’ on it today? Who the fuck even is this dude? Well if so…you have a Nice Guy on your hands. We all know them & none of us can stand them but also we’re burdened by a soul so we can’t help but...
Treat Yoself.
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5 Big Macs & 5 Large Fries for $13 on livingsocial.
November 2011
25 posts
The entire synopsis of Breaking Dawn Pt 1
everything is so awkward and forced
oh god
sexy time
they are taking turns eyeing the bed
they are going skinny dipping
I think the presex montage just happened
she like...shaved her legs and shit
who doesn't do that before they leave for their honeymoon?!
come ON
oh jesus
BROKEN HEADBOARD
HAHA
we are halfway through this film and NOTHING HAS HAPPENED
they got married and had sex
literally not a thing else
they're now playing chess
fucking hell
she keeps trying to seduce him and he's laughing at her WORST MARRIAGE
oooh playing chess again!
AND AGAIN
they just had a montage of their honeymoon and all that happened is thye played a lot of chess, she tried to fuck him and he ran away
oh god she's begging now
this is honestly awkward softcore porn
and now she's vomiting into the toilet
gross
god seriously
nothing happens in this god
it's just a bunch of shitty subplots
the wolves are so shit
shit
lsbgksdg
THIS IS SO BAD
weird ass telepathic wolf pow wow shit
I don't even know what's going on
THE FETUS ISN'T COMPATIBLE
I'm really glad that in Twilight world, they make skinny jeans that fit over evil fetus baby bumps
oh god Bella's drinking blood
I'm taking a shot
the cup says FREE REFILLS ON IT
Bella just chose "renesmee" for the baby's name and this child will be beat up for the rest of it's life
OH MY GOD SHE IS GIVING BIRTH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
"GET HIM OUT OF ME"
loads of screaming and flashing and she looks like a skeleton
aaaand Edward ripped open her stomach with his mouth
YUP GOOD
the baby is a bloody mess and they just called it beautiful. I mean, I don't really do babies, but like...I'm pretty sure that just looks like meat
there is just blood everywhere and edward just stabbed her in the heart with his venom and what the HELL
Bella seems to have died, but Edward is just biting her everywhere and OH HOLY GOD IT'S SCIENCE
HER BLOOD IS FREEZING
the worst thing? Kristen Stewart's face hasn't changed.
she just gave birth and then died
without a flicker of emotion
Jacob has just seen the baby and he's in lo0o0o0ove
this is the creepiest scene ever
he just fell to his knees in front of a baby
I just want to be a fly on the wall during this filming
uh oh vampire v wolf death match
oh jk rules and shit
wolf can't harm future lovers of other wolves
so much for bros before hoes, shit
meanwhile, Bella is serving her purpose well. laying on a table with the occasional SCIENCE into her body
she's becoming a vampire, which apparently includes permanent eyeshadow. so, that makes life easier.
you know how on tumblr, they have those picture sequences where it slowly gets closer to someones face?
that was just an actual shot in Breaking Dawn
jacob, Jacob, JACOB
AND THEN HAWT VAMPY BELLA OPENED HER EYES WITH MIRACULOUSLY NEWLY LONG EYELASHES AND THE FILM ENDED
TO CHEERS
I require the last two hours of my life back
who do I go for for that
Pinterest, You Bitch. →
New blog entry at Realities of a Twenty-Something. Check it out.
Shoemint - you get shoes, I get shoes, we all be... →
How To Not Be A Dick At The Gym
As a person who possesses zero tolerance for people in general, the gym is a certain type of nightmare. My gym is pretty nice, cheap & it’s clean so I won’t get ringworm so it sounds like a dream…just as long as no one else is ever there. Saturday nights (this is very telling of how awesome & popular I am) are the best because I’m the only loser there & I...
Urryday I be bloggin'. Add me to your readers, my... →
A few Tips To Make You Even Hotter That Aren't...
Okay so on the real I haven’t even bathed today so who the hell even am I to give out unsolicited advice but this stuff is legit & I wish someone would have told me before because lord knows I needed to shift some shit up appearance-wise. Anyway here’s some tips that work & are cheap/or free because I don’t play around.
Drink water like it’s your job. I’M...
